The piece originally appeared on OTVMagazine.com

So, originally, I was going to talk about President Pumpkin – and it had words, the best words and the best title of all the titles – but then something wonderful happened. Not as wonderful as the orange-in-chief getting what he deserves but damn close and it made my entire week.

Ken Ham, a prominent young earth creationist and fount of willful ignorance and creative lies, blocked my on Darwin’s birthday. How poetic. A man that lives to mis-educate people of all ages again turned his back on science – The Theory of Evolution – in a public forum on the same day the man credited with coming up with said theory was remembered fondly by those not afraid of the big, bad science.

What a fucking tool.

I’m not surprised, even in the slightest. When it comes to creationists – those who believe badly written fairy-tales over empirical data – evolution will always be called a lie, some way to steal others from lives of God-fearingness. As far as those loons are concerned, one cannot possibly believe in God and accept the science behind evolution because Genesis exists even though the majority of Christians accept evolution while somehow believing in their deity and his only begotten son. The Bible is pure truth, they say, because God says so in the Bible. Circular logic, y’all. And because of the perfection of God’s Word, to tear any part not one hundred percent accurate out, their belief system would crash down around them because their whole belief system is so incredibly weak.

Don’t go taking this as an anti-Christian rant; plenty of the carpenter’s son’s followers don’t see a problem accepting science and the existence of an invisible sky-daddy and I don’t mind that. I don’t buy it for a minute but who am I to tell you no. My problems with the ol’ Abrahamic religion don’t start until they’re injected into my government and my schools; things my taxes fund. The minute creationists like Kenny-boy try to break through the separation of Church and State, I get growly. Don’t fuck with the intended secular nature of the American government and school system. Just don’t. You want God in the classroom, go find a Christian school. But don’t go asking for vouchers to pay for it; that public money is for public schools.

Now my stand against mixing religion and government isn’t why Hammy blocked me. That was his willful ignorance and fragile ego. See, he spent Darwin’s special day tweeting out lies about the man and I got tired of the bullshit. So, in the spirit of education, I responded and pointed out how wrong he was. I also might’ve pointed out God’s slave-loving, blood-thirsty ways and Christ’s racism. Oh, and I pointed out his attempt at his attempted tax scam was wholly against God’s laws.

Pay to all what is owed to them: taxes to whom taxes are owed, revenue to whom revenue is owed, respect to whom respect is owed, honor to whom honor is owed.
Romans 13:7

It’s not like I made anything up; everything I pointed out to him is in the Bible he claims as inerrant. So instead of defending his views, he took the cowards way and blocked me. You’d think a guy who believes a thirteen year old virgin gave birth to a demigod wouldn’t have such a hard time accepting what he can read with his own two eyes.

The truth is – as far as this skeptic can tell – is delusional Kenneth cheery-picks the parts of the Bible that don’t showcase the non-glorious parts of his god’s story. Or, at least, the parts that align with his backwards worldview. God hates the gays? Cool. He murdered entire cities for shocking levels of gayness (which is not what Sodom and Gomorrah is about but he won’t admit that because that would not only kill his anti-gay commandent but also force him to admit his hero Lot offered up his virgin daughters to a rape mob and that his darling daughters took turns drugging and raping dear papa).? Awesome! God made a mistake? Nope, must’ve read that shit wrong.

And the Lord regretted that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him to his heart. So the Lord said, “I will blot out man whom I have created from the face of the land, man and animals and creeping things and birds of the heavens, for I am sorry that I have made them.”
Genesis 6:6-7

If God is all-seeing and all-knowing, he would’ve seen all that sin from the beginning. He made humans anyway and, when they did exactly what he knew they would do, he killed ‘em all. Because, God? This is the source of all that is, according to Bible-literalist Ken Ham, and is more reliable than science.

Um. No.

If his insane commitment to every word in the Bible-as-truth isn’t enough to separate him and his ilk from sensible Christians, he also adds a few ingredients to those Biblical stories. It’s almost as if he has created his own sect of Christianity: Hammonism (term coined by Jon Perry of Stated Casually). See, in the World According to Hammy, Noah’s flood was an historical world-wide flood, something that evidence shows wasn’t a thing, and all the world’s animals came from those he collected at God’s orders. Noah didn’t actually collect all al them, even though the Bible says he did.

“And of every living thing of all flesh, you shall bring two of every kind into the ark, to keep them alive with you; they shall be male and female. Of the birds after their kind, and of the animals after their kind, of every creeping thing of the ground after its kind, two of every kind will come to you to keep them alive.”
Genesis 6:19-20

 “You shall take with you of every clean animal by sevens, a male and his female; and of the animals that are not clean two, a male and his female; also of the birds of the sky, by sevens, male and female, to keep offspring alive on the face of all the earth.”
Genesis 7:2-3

Kenneth the Ignorant claims that Noah didn’t cram thousands of animals into his little boat; he only took kinds, which, in this case has a kind-of meaning. See, all felines came from a pair of cats (micro-evolution is totes cool ‘cause he can use it to explain away one of the many ridiculous claims this particular story makes) and all canines come from a single pair of canines and so on and so forth. But not only that but he claims dinosaurs were on the fucking ark and the T-Rex didn’t eat anyone because everything and one were vegetarians until post-flood. Remember, this crackpot has followers who take his word as fact.

The man is mad. Or stupid. Or greedy. And this conman extraordinaire wants to teach America’s children mythology as fact. He wants his version of an ancient text to be taught in public schools. He wants to dumb down America to the point future generations won’t even realize that there are scientific explanations for the natural world and how it came to be the way it is. I don’t know if he really is so intensely devout or just out to cash in on the ignorance already out there but it doesn’t really matter; his “mission” is dangerous and will only succeed in dragging us backwards if not challenged. If someone like Ken wins, future generations could be taught the Petting Zoo in Jurassic World was a reality four thousand years ago.

via GIFER